Rejecting Monogamy, Embracing Open Relationships

The three open relationship episodes!

First, Justin and Alex join Zach to discuss his claim that open relationships are for everybody. They define some terms—like amatonormativity, dyadic, monogamy, and open relationships—and then set out some arguments for why we should reject monogamy. But if we do, where does that leave us? What would our relationships look like outside of the institution of monogamy?

The vimmers do some philosophy of love and cultural criticism. Join with an open mind?

How to approach the episode- 3:00
Defining terms- 7:50
Six hallmarks of monogamy:

1. Sexual Exclusivity- 14:00
2. Emotional Exclusivity- 18:06
3. Jealousy- 23:55
4. Marriage- 30:18
5. Supreme Importance- 35:10
6. Universality- 38:45

Critiques of monogamy- 45:00
Rejecting monogamy vs. rejecting amatonormativity- 1:18:30
An attempt at a three sentence summary- 1:22:15
A big argument to end- 1:23:30


Second, Justin, Alex, and Zach return to respond to all of your objections—well, 10 of them. If you are skeptical of the idea that you should reject monogamy and be in an open relationship, the vimmers follow up to assuage your doubts. See the article for written responses to the objections.

Some transparency- 2:25
The 10 objections:
1. “Some monogamous relationships suck, but not mine. I am happy.”- 6:19
2. “Non-monogamy isn’t natural/monogamy is natural”- 12:50
3. “I tried open relationships and they were terrible!”- 20:05
4. “Why isn’t this argument based on feminism?”- 26:38
5. “You should respect my agency and not force open relationships on me.”- 33:04
6. “There’s a difference between rejecting monogamy and rejecting amatonormativity.”- 38:08
7. “Open relationships are a lot of exhausting work.”- 51:05
8. “I don’t want to give up marriage. It is an important part of life.”- 58:10
9. “Open relationships are inconsistent with my religious beliefs”- 1:06:40
10. “Studies show that monogamy leads to more happiness than non-monogamy.”- 1:11:37

If you have more objections, reach out at


Third, Lila, Zach, and Justin discuss ‘amatonormativity’, the notion that monogamy is normal for all humans and a universally shared goal. They give philosophical treatment to concepts like cheating, polyamory, and open relationships. The discussion is based on Justin’s article.

Justin introduces his claims through J. Cole’s video for “Kevin’s Hart

How are relationships depicted in culture? How does this conversation fit into the broader feminist movement? What should people do? Should we all be in open relationships?



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